


Void of Breath

by TheMissluluB



Series: Horuss's Void [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: It is slowly getting better, M/M, Past Rufioh/Horuss, Pesterlog, Slowly but surely getting better for the Horse, but not all pesterlog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-04
Updated: 2017-10-04
Packaged: 2019-01-09 02:30:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12267066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMissluluB/pseuds/TheMissluluB
Summary: Your name is Horuss Zahhak and things finally seem to be looking up for you.





	Void of Breath

**Author's Note:**

> I have had this chapter handwritten by the end of August, and I typed it up last Tuesday.
> 
> Then I got kicked in the stomach with a Stomach Bug and I've only _Just_ got over it. 
> 
> Plague is awfoal 0/10 Do Not Recommend.
> 
> ... This won't make sense unless you read parts 1 and 2 and I'm sorry.

You’ve stopped putting your hair up. It’s surprisingly freeing. You only tie it up when you need to now – that is, when you’re cooking, usually. You’ve finally figured a way of getting water; you worked out the problem you had with the last machines, where the salt would get stuck and break it entirely. You fixed this problem in the latest version. You’ve figured that fish isn’t _technically_ meat, therefore you’re allowed to eat it.

Doesn’t mean that you don’t feel bad about killing them, though. But a guy has got to eat what a guy has got to eat. 

It’s been three months since then. 

You’ll admit, you’re still not truly over it. It’s a slow process. You think that exiling yourself from your friendship group has helped, though. Quite a lot, actually. It’s surprising. 

Refreshing, almost. 

Like a hard reset. 

To remake oneself from nothing. To start again from a clean page. 

… Haha, Page. You chuckle softly at your own joke. 

You’ve been finding yourself laughing a lot more than you used to, another strange occurrence. Better laugh at yourself than to be laughed _at_ , though. Fun fact: no one laughs at you now because you have no friends. Yes. That’s how you want it to stay. 

Obviously. 

Yes. 

You sigh. You made yourself sad again. You need to stop doing that. 

You look back at what you told… _him_ … to tell your friends. They haven’t contacted you again, which you find a relief. A well needed break. 

You don’t want to see them again. You hate yourself for thinking that, but it’s true, you don’t. You really never want to see them again. You’ve had enough drama for one lifetime… 2… 3 lifetimes? You’re confused as to what counts as to a lifetime now. G*sh d*rn it, SGRUB. 

The only person to contact you now is Rufioh, despite you saying you never wanted to speak to him again. He is just worried, you know, but still, you hardly ever reply. So long as you read them you think he’s content. 

AT: horuss, are you al1ve???  
CT: Read at 04:13 am.  
AT: and you call _me_ an 1nsomn1ac...  
AT: please sleep... you need 1t...  
CT: Read at 06:12 am.  
CT: Okay.  


You turned read receipts on just for him. You discussed what would be best for the both of you; especially on days you don’t feel ‘social’ and the days he gets anxiety over you. You don’t know why he’s so worried, he has literally no reason to care about you. He broke up with you. Therefore he should feel nothing for you. That much is true, right? 

Right??

You sigh. Anyway, you both came to the conclusion that so long as you read it, and he knows you’ve read it, things would be ok for the both of you. So that’s what you did. 

It’s a weird system, you know. But it works, so you don’t care. You… honestly, you are just glad you are at least able to talk to _someone_. Even if it’s your ex. It still plagues your mind, him actually _caring_. Are you missing something? What? 

Your phone vibrates just as you pour some vegetables you grew into a pan. You check it. 

canterandTrot, you have 1 unread message!

AT: hey... how’s 1t go1ng??

You sigh. 

CT: Well, I suppose.  
CT: Placing some vegetables in to boil for dinner.  
CT: Yourself?  
AT: not so bad... glad you’re st1ll ok...  
AT: 1 th111nk 1 have a bout of 1nsomn1a com1ng on, so 1’m go1ng to be awake all n1ght...  
CT: Oh, dear. That isn’t good.  
AT: no... 1t really 1sn’t...  
AT: 1 m1ght as well start l1sten1ng to m1ku now...  
CT: Try taking some sleeping tablets.  
CT: Have you been to a doctor?  
AT: and get culled? no thanks.  
CT: No one gets culled nowadays.  
AT: ... you wouldn’t understand...  
CT: I c001d try.  
AT: okay... well...  
AT: 1 worry. even though the need 1sn’t there anymore, 1 worry. 1’ve been avo1d1ng 1t all my l1fe. 1 can’t just stop now cull1ng doesn’t ex1st anymore. 1 know 1t’s stup1d, but... 1 can’t _stop._  
CT: I...  
CT: I’m sorry.  
CT: I apologise for forcing you to speak up like that.  
CT: It was not my place to do that.  
AT: horuss. you d1dn’t do sh*t.  
AT: don’t apolog1se for someth1ng you haven’t done.  
AT: please...  
CT: Well. If you say so. I’ll stop.  
AT: you don’t have to agree w1th me, e1ther. you’re your own person, don’t let people push you around and walk all over you, l1ke some k1nd of entrance shoe w1ping plane.  
CT: ... A welcome mat?  
AT: yeah, that. stop lett1ng people walk all over you.  
CT: Like you did?

Fffff-fiddlesticks. You messed up. You messed up so terribly bad you don’t know if you can clean up after it. You are the worst at social interaction, it is you. You should never be allowed into society again. Re-learn your tact. Oh? He’s replied. 

Wow. 

AT: ... yeah. why d1dn’t you call me out on that??  
CT: I didn’t want to be a bother.  
CT: I was worried that if I brought it up, my hunch w001d be right.  
CT: So I ignored it.  
CT: I ignored it so hard it felt like the problem was never there in the first place.  
CT: ...  
CT: I figured if I ignored the issue hard enough, it w001d never be brought up, and we’d get over it.  
CT: A silly thought, really.  
AT: horuss...  
AT: you should have at least told meul1n...  
CT: Ahem:  
CT: “~(=^‥^)/ < JUST SMILE! SMILING SOLVES EVFURRYONES PURROBLEMS!  
CT: (;¬_¬) < Are you sure that w001d work? It doesn’t seem a viable so100tion...  
CT: (^・ω・^ ) < SURE IT WILL!!!!!!!!  
CT: （=´∇｀=）< SMILING SOLVES EVFURRYTHING!”  
CT: I did.  
AT:  
AT: oh...  
AT: huh.  
CT: What, was the so100tion a%ually viable?  
AT: no, 1t’s... that’s pretty sh*tty, actually...  
CT: ... Oh.  
AT: 1’ll be r1ght back.  
CT: WAIT NO!  
CT: YOU CAN’T!  
AT: ... can’t what??  
AT: 1 was go1ng to the abult1ons block...  
CT: Oh.  
CT: I...  
CT: I thought you were going to speak to Meulin about what I said.  
AT: oh, 1 w1ll...  
AT: but 1...  
AT: 1 _really need to pee._  
CT: Okay.

You sigh once more. You just _know_ that this will start some kind of discourse in your friendship group. Ex-friendship group. You don’t want to be dragged back into it, you’ve left it for a reason!! 

It takes 10 minutes for him to respond back. It must have been a _really long pee._ You just finish serving up dinner when your phone vibrates again. 

AT: okay 1’m back.  
AT: aww man, that was a long pee... 1 d1dn’t know when 1 was go1ng to even stop!  
CT: Read at 10:25 pm.  
AT: ... oh, okay...  
CT: Read at 10:25 pm.  
CT: Be right back, I am just about to have dinner.  
AT: OH, oooh, okay. 1 got worr1ed for a second, there.  
AT: 1 should do that, too...  
CT: You sh001d, yes.  
AT: ahaha, pot ramen, here 1 come! ahaha...  
CT: Hehehe, have fun.

You munch on your dinner, feeling a small smile form on your face. Not the kind you used to force out, when you pretended everything was ok, but the other kind. The kind you do when something strikes you as humorous, or something. 

It seems that things are finally turning out for the better, then. 

Things might be looking up for you. 

Finally. 

* * *

aceTrainer, the following message failed to be sent:

<>

**Author's Note:**

> Suspence.....
> 
> When will I update next? Who knows.
> 
> (EDIT: 14-01-2018: Minor edits)


End file.
